When was the last time you took a long hard look at your current circle of friends?
During my 20’s, I rarely did this. I felt like the people in my life were going to be there FOREVER and we had this special bond that no one could ever break.
Boy! Was I wrong!?! It honestly took me a while to realize that friendships are not transactional and not everyone has the capacity to be a good friend. However, there are certain traits of friends that I look for when I think of longevity.
The key to longevity is balance. And the key to balance is making sure that my life includes sober friends with sound minds.
These are the top qualities I look for in a good friend:
Do they cheer me on and motivate me to want to be the best possible version of myself? Or do they at least seem happy when good things happen to me? Jealousy and envy are sneaky traits that are usually noticeable. You want to make sure your friends are able to truly be happy for you and cheer you on.
As a recovering controller, I can tell you that I was not a flexible friend in the past. If it wasn’t my way, it was the HIGHWAY. I had such a horrible view of how things should play out. I basically set myself up for disappointment constantly.
You want to make sure that your friends are flexible with change because, it’s only human to want to evolve. Can your friends accept your changes?
Can you trust them with valuable information? As a recovering gossiper, yes – that was me! I can tell you that I’ve learned how much privacy should be valued. I didn’t understand it in my early 20’s.
But, as I built up my home I realized that being able to trust someone with information is crucial. Privacy became my new norm. I didn’t tell anyone ANYTHING.
And that probably took it to the extreme, but I learned a lot during that time. A good friend should be able to take something private I’m sharing with them and choose to be there for me and advise me rather than spread my dirty laundry.
Yes, I said it – do they make you happy? And by making you happy, I don’t mean that they must be your entire world. I mean are they a drag to be around? Are they hard to read? Are they always in a bad mood? Do they SUCK the life out of you? Do they spend their time just complaining?
These are all traits of someone who needs space to grow and reflect in areas they haven’t tapped into yet. You’re not meant to be everyone’s savior – they have social workers and therapists for that.
Do they respect your choices and boundaries as a person, parent, employee, owner of anything, etc? Or do they want to be involved in EVERY single decision that you have to make and need to have a say in it? That’s not called being a friend, that’s called being nosey.
Yup, it’s someone wanting the authority to be all up in your business and feeling that they can take up residence in your mind, body and soul. Um, that’s a definite no.
It will take time and patience to first discern these traits in the folks around you. And understandably, it can be difficult to prune these people out of your lives – especially if they’ve been in it for over a decade.
However, you need to do what is best for you and your future. You need to set the framework for your foundation. You deserve this and so does your future.
Karina Daves is passionate about being there for women, specifically moms, that need tools and confidence to keep going, no matter where they are in life. She provides moms with the tricks and tools that they need to maintain their sanity and achieve their best life and relationship GOALS! She's excited to be here for you! Check her out at https://www.karinafdaves.com/