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Forgiveness Does Not ALWAYS Mean Reconciliation

Hey sis, how are you?

The other day, while talking with a mommy mentor of mine, she gave me sound advice regarding certain difficult relationships in my life. She said, “Issata, some relationships in your life need to be classified as “D.N.R.” - DO NOT RESUSCITATE. They simply aren’t worth your energy or time.” It was simple, straightforward, and resonated with me.

I hear a lot of talk in the Christian community about forgiveness, reconciliation, and living “peaceably with all men”, but rarely hear about how we should live with people who constantly bring strife into our lives. I have encountered this toxic personality trait several times in my life, and now that I have become committed to “rest”, I realize I have to protect my peace from striving personalities and spaces. 

 “You have delivered me from the strivings of people.”

- Psalm 18:43

The truth is, we have to begin to look at the fruit of our lives, those around us, and properly discern what fruit our relationships are bearing because no matter how people talk a good game, the fruit of their lives and quality of their relationships will often demonstrate the truth about who they are. 

The Bible teaches us that offenses shall surely come and that we should seek to address those offenses and forgive. But what happens when the offending party refuses to acknowledge wrongdoing? Sometimes the best way forward is to separate. We would love to believe that forgiveness always brings the restoration of relationships, but that’s not always the case. 

Let’s use the Bible as an example here. At the end of Jesus’ life, he experiences betrayal from his good friend Peter, and disciple Judas (I use the term disciple lightly). There is a reason why Peter was restored but Judas was not. I believe Jesus looked at Peter’s track record and noticed his loyalty and consistency outweighed his moments of cowardice, dishonor, and poor judgment. In other words, this relationship bore good fruit in his life. 

In contrast, Judas was 99 problems every time he stepped on the scene. Lying, scheming, betrayal, and dishonor were synonymous with his character and reputation. I could understand why letting Judas go was the best course of action. 

“You will know them by what they do. Thorn bushes do not bear grapes, and briers do not bear figs.” - ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭7:16‬ ‭GNTD‬‬

So often, we overthink our relationships based on affinity, connections, and so on. I have come to a place in my life where I have decided to detach myself from emotional decision making and judge my relationships according to God’s word. I want God’s best all around, and living my best life starts with me. 

Have you found yourself giving your interpersonal relationships a second look? What tough choices did you have to make? Share your thoughts below…or in my DMs!!

Love you much,

Satta Star 



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