Why do we insist on saving our heroes? Why do we insist on protecting their images, romanticizing the reality of who they were and are? Why do we change our childhood villains into heroes with scars, rather than flawed human beings?
It’s like our reluctance to cope with the truth about Bill Cosby or the defense of R Kelly. Why do women have a habit of making excuses for the ones who have done so much harm, to the extent of sympathizing with them?
I am not judging you. I myself have experienced my share of Stockholm Syndrome. But not anymore, no longer will I romanticize what my eyes have seen, ears have heard, and heart has felt. I will not make excuses for my father or any man in my life who takes advantage of women and mistreats those weaker than them.
I remember being in my twenties and repeatedly telling my father I loved him-- even after he told me over and over again with his actions and words that he did not love me. Unable to face that reality, I found myself making the same excuses for each failed relationship.
I attracted the very energy I tried to ignore in my father. It wasn't until I decided I no longer wanted his negative energy in my life that I was able to start making healthier dating choices.
The truth is, I didn’t know all that I wanted in a partner when I met my husband, but I knew what I didn’t want. But somehow, that was not enough. It was not until I began to identify toxic behavior in myself and others, that I stopped romanticizing the reality of who my father is and was as a person.
Human beings can be heroic in one sense, yet inevitably flawed in another. This is the brokenness of humanity; we’d best come to terms with that before we do more damage to ourselves and others.
The EZ Breezy Life is a safe space to express, release and heal from all those feelings and thoughts that no longer serve us. How have you romanticized or justified family members, boyfriends, friends and people you looked up to but hurt you (even unknowingly)?
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