Stop Saving People Unless They Ask First



Yes, I’m talking to you. I want to get one thing out of the way. You should know that I’m an ordained minister. You should also know I will frequently use pop culture references to get your attention.



My Pastors (yes, plural) already know I’m this way — and no need to go to God because he knows I’m this way too. Lastly, no need to tell me how Jesus was kind and “bah blah bah," cuz He also flipped tables. Go and read the context of that verse. I mean this in the most loving way possible.



Now, onto flipping some tables.


If you are an Alpha Woman, then it is likely somewhere in your life you have appointed yourself savior when you have no business being one. I get it. Jesus died for the world, and so naturally, it seems like you should die to self and give yourself to people --but that’s not what that term actually means.



Dying to self is eliminating the need for self-gratification, not literally dying for other people like Tabitha did in the bible. Before you go fetch your Wonder Woman cape, please ask yourself: “Is the person I’m trying to save asking to be saved? If the person is not asking to be saved, has God told me that it is my assignment to save said person? If so, did he give me the method?"



As a young professional, I thought every young inner-city girl who came through my office was my personal assignment. I thought if they came into my life, then surely, God sent them so I could be of help to them.



I would quickly learn through a series of unfortunate events and interactions that everyone is not trying to be freed. Some people like mediocrity. Some people like a mess. Some people are comfortable with struggle. Some are addicted to pain. Who am I to tell them otherwise? After all, I am not God. I am not Jesus.


In my personal life, I didn’t realize I needed a change until the Lord opened my eyes to see myself for who I truly was. The good, the bad, and the nasty.


So before I help anyone these days, I ask myself:


1. Do they know they have a problem?


2. Have they recognized that something is wrong or are they still blaming the world?



When I find people lack a certain level of self-awareness, willingness to own their stuff, and teachability, I pack my toys and walk away. I am NOT Captain-Save-A-H**. I sold my cape on e-bay, and if you want to rest, you should sell yours too. I’ll place a link below for your convenience.




In all seriousness, people need to know they need support, help, or a mentor before you start acting like one. Let's use superheroes as an example. Anytime Superman came on the scene, people were extremely excited to see him. You know why? Because they knew they had a problem, and they knew he was the solution.



When you superimpose yourself as the solution to someone’s challenge before the person has been able to recognize they have an actual issue, you are asking for struggle, headache, heartache, and maybe even high blood pressure.



So today, before you reach out and support a friend, or give your feedback, ask yourself: "have they asked for my help? " There are only a few categories of people I support without their asking. These are the physically sick, disabled, poor, widows, orphans, mentally ill, and the homeless.



Everybody else must ask for help. Before they ask, I sit and watch. Who are you helping today? Where have you overextended yourself? Who needs your help, but maybe not in the way you think they do? Think through some of these questions as I do the same.



That’s all for today; you are welcome. Thank me later. (I mean that in the most loving way possible).



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