Sis, That’s Not Just Growth—That’s Self-Respect

Issata O.
May 8
3 min read

Let me tell you something real.

I didn’t wake up one day and magically become the woman I am today. This journey—of faith, motherhood, leadership, and healing—has been forged in fire. I had to learn the hard way that self-neglect is not a spiritual gift. Being everything to everyone left me burned out, bitter, and disconnected from the woman God was calling me to become.

But then something shifted. I started doing things differently—not perfectly, but differently. And that difference was rooted in self-respect.

I came across this image recently, and it brought me to tears. Because every single bullet point? That’s me. That’s the work. That’s the freedom.

Let’s break it down together, because I know you’ll see yourself in it too

Setting Boundaries

For years, I confused being available with being loving. I thought setting limits meant I wasn’t “Christ-like.” But let me tell you what God had to show me—even Jesus withdrew. Even Jesus had healthy boundaries with people, including his disciples.

When I got clearer, lighter, and more focused when I started saying no to last-minute demands, unaligned commitments, and emotional vampires. I wasn’t being mean. I was being *wise*. Setting boundaries allowed me to protect God's vision and make room for His peace to reign in my home and business.

Sis, boundaries aren’t walls—they’re gates. You get to choose what gets in.

Cutting Off Toxic Relationships

Whew. This one? It hurt.

There were people I loved dearly who simply could not come with me into the next season. Some were friends. Others were in ministry. And yes, even some were family. But the toxicity was real—and the weight of maintaining those connections was costing me my peace, my health, and my clarity.

I used to pray, “God, show me who they really are,” and He did. But then I had to have the courage to act. Cutting ties wasn’t easy—but it was necessary. And I have never felt more free.

Every time you remove toxicity, you make room for divine alignment.

Prioritizing Self-Care

For a long time, I wore exhaustion like a badge of honor. I was doing God’s work, but neglecting God’s daughter.

After my son Emmanuel was born with complex medical needs, I was in full fight-or-flight. I didn’t realize how much I had abandoned myself while keeping everyone else afloat. But eventually, I learned: If I don’t pour into myself, I’ll have nothing left to give. Period.

Self-care for me includes quiet time, gym time, healthy food, sleep, prayer, and girl time. It’s not selfish; it’s strategic. A rested woman hears God more clearly.

Your body and soul are sacred places. Treat them that way.

Standing Up for Yourself

I’ve sat in rooms where people tried to minimize my voice. I’ve had folks challenge my authority, question my value, and misunderstand my boundaries. But once I found my voice—rooted in truth and love—I stopped shrinking.

This doesn’t mean I’m loud or combative. It means I’m clear. Clear about who I am, what I carry, and what I won’t tolerate.

You’re not difficult—you’re decisive. And that’s a gift.

Choosing Positive Environments

After leaving a toxic workplace that nearly broke me, I promised myself I would never again stay in places where I had to fight just to be treated with basic dignity.

Now, I intentionally choose rooms, conversations, and teams that align with my peace and purpose. I stopped watering dead plants, and God replaced them with whole gardens.

This is true in business, friendships, and even the church. Choose joy over tradition. Choose growth over gossip. Choose *life*.

You don’t have to adapt to chaos. You can choose peace.

Letting Go of Guilt

This one still sneaks up on me sometimes. As moms, as nurturers, we’re trained to feel guilty when we put ourselves first. But guilt is not from God. Conviction, yes. Guilt that lingers and shames? No ma’am.

I had to learn to release the guilt of not doing it all, of saying no, of outgrowing people, and of needing rest.

And when I let it go, something beautiful happened—God filled that space with grace.

You are allowed to be free. Full stop.

Respecting yourself isn’t some far-off goal—it’s a holy invitation to live in alignment with the woman God created you to be. And when you do? Everyone around you benefits. Your kids get a joyful mom. Your team receives a focused leader. Your community gets a woman walking in her anointing.

So today, take one step, set one boundary, release one guilt, and choose you—not just for your sake but for the legacy you’re building.

We’re not surviving anymore.

We’re *becoming*.

With love + fire,

Issata O.