As 2019 winds down, my mind has already left the year and is moving towards the new year. Of course, this comes with new year resolutions, it also comes with letting things go so I can move forward. As the bible teaches, and as I mentioned in my blog post about building a solid empire, the foundation we build our dreams on makes all the difference.
My first priority for 2020 is clearing the room of all the distractions, snakes, and relationships that don’t mean me well.
People of the Lord, I give you the list of 20 things I am giving up this 2020:
1. Trying to get my way all the time
Let the church say amen. Nothing screams controlling like trying to get your way all the time. I’m gradually learning to exercise my veto power only when it really matters. Every fight is not my fight, so I’ll leave the small fights to small fighters. Onward, upward, forward.
2. Loveless, Cheap Sex
So, I’m married. Which means I can have all the cheap sex I want (with my husband, of course). For me, cheap sex is basically sex with anybody who hasn’t put a ring on it. Do you not see my ring? Miss me with it!
3. Mental Trash
The last reality tv show star I know is Cardi B. That’s because I really don’t watch much TV these days. I have come to the realization that watching Nene bop Kenya over the head probably won’t feed my spiritual life. In fact, it feeds the part of me I am actively working towards overcoming. The airways, timelines and lots of sites are full of information inciting mental health issues. Choosing peace is choosing who I listen to, who I block, who I mute, and so on.
4. Emotional Garbage
As I mentioned, forgiveness is really the final frontier for me. To get over my forgiveness issues, I’m digging way back. Like deep into my childhood back. I'm pulling stuff up by the root.
5. Frenzied and Joyless Grabs for Happiness
Where are we running to? I’m generally a content person. For example, most people my husband and I know drive luxury vehicles, but we have a Nissan. It’s not that luxury cars are not beautiful; they just don’t tickle my fancy.
Now walk-in closets and the latest MacBook pro? Gimme that! In all seriousness, a lot of us are chasing waterfalls, thinking they will solve our issues, but they just leave us searching for the next high. I recommend learning to practice gratitude as I talk about in Season One, Episode 2 of our podcast, “Happy Girls are The Prettiest.”
6. Magic-Show Religion
Gurl. Jesus or the evil eye? The bible or the zodiac? Prayer or tarot cards? Pick a team, cuz we out here lookin’ lukewarmly. The bible says miracles, signs, and wonders should be following us, not the other way around. Miss me with that in 2020.
7. Paranoid Loneliness
So I have a family member who basically lives in isolation because they have been so wounded by life and people, they’ve decided to stop loving. My heart is very sad for them and I miss them dearly. God intended for us to live in a community.
Now, I am very selective about who and how I define said community, as I have learned to create varying levels of commitment and intimacy depending on how folks show themselves to be. Still, I try my best to keep healthy relationships.
8. Cutthroat Competition
No thanks. Rival girl gangs? Bye. Competitive frenemies? Just bye. Real friends cheer you on in the front and back, sis. Find a circle that is about THAT.
9. All-Consuming-Yet-Never-Satisfied Wants
This really goes back to an attitude of gratitude. It’s not wrong to want growth and progress, but if we are just chasing everything that trending, we become clout chasers. I’m the daughter of the king, I don’t chase clout, I AM the clout. I’m all about loving my life at the moment and celebrating it at the moment.
10. A Brutal Temper
YES, GAWD! Honestly, the Lord has been stepping on this pressure point all year. ALL Year. We are getting there. So proud of what God is doing on the inside of me.
11. An Impotence to Love or be Loved
So, I think I see myself here. I never really thought I struggled with this, but I am working on receiving love and acknowledging the value I may hold in the lives of others. That’s really hard to do when you have created a protective barrier, because the walls we build to keep the hurt out, also keeps the love out.
12. Divided Homes
If we gotta fight it out for hours at the dining room table, as for me and MY house, there must be an agreement in the name of Jesus. This involves lots of compromises, apologizing, and beginning again. What it does not include is sweeping things under the rug. Miss me with it!
13. Divided Lives
So, my husband has a no-alcohol rule. While I kinda get it, I don’t see the big deal with champagne and wine, within reason. In 2020, I won't drink because we need to be in agreement. It may seem like a small thing, but it keeps me from justifying decisions that lead to a double life. Anything I can’t do and tell my husband openly is inappropriate. Yes, I must draw a hard line.
14. Small-Minded and Lopsided Pursuits
The thirst is real in these streets. Everything ain’t for me. Most alpha women have multiple talents, but if we are not careful, these talents will take us in 20 different directions, not making traction in any of them. What is the one thing you do like no one else? Find the thing and go balls to the walls in pursuit of your God-given destiny.
15. The vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival
I don’t even want to go here. Some people can’t keep friends because they think everyone is jealous of them. They don’t realize that there is enough prosperity to go around and that maybe, just maybe, we all don’t want the same things. God bless them, but again, miss me with it in 2020.
16. Uncontrolled and Uncontrollable Addictions
FOOOD. Yes, I love food. Particularly when I’m stressed. I have been improving because I realize that a lack of self-control with food and shopping leads to a lack of control in other areas. Lord, help your daughter!
17. Ugly Parodies of Community
Fake love. Fake family, fake friends. People who only show up to celebrate and be seen but don’t ride it out with you. I’m on a pruning spree, and any tree not bearing real fruit is on the chopping block, or at the very least, will be limited in how much time and attention it gets.
18. Fake Friends
“I got no time for fake ones, just sip some cristal with these real ones”
(I meant, non-alcoholic cider, lol).
I need to repeat this one. I am SO tired of the scripture abuse, where I tolerate people’s B.S. without minimizing their role in my life. Habitual line steppers are typically the ones who get angry with boundaries.
Let me tell you something, boundaries have been liberating me all of 2019, so in 2020, LORD give me more boundaries and friendships that lead to the EZ Breezy Life.
"I read between the lines of your eyes to your brows Your handshake ain't matching your smile." - Beanie Sigel, Feel it in the Air
“HAATEER, you killin’ the game it’s not faaaaiiir. You mothasuckas stay right THEERRE”
- Kanye West.
That’s all I have to say about that.
20. Selfish Ambition
Wanting to win just so we can say we are blessed, but not being a blessing to our community in the meanwhile. Always expecting others to love, support, and celebrate us without making strides to reciprocate. Expecting loyalty when we ain’t loyal. MISS. ME. WITH. THAT.
The bible says that the word of the Lord is sharper than a two-edged sword.
'For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. ' Hebrews 4:12
If anything I wrote stung, then just like me, you got work to do. The things I write about may be offensive to many, but so was Jesus.
'...when they heard this, said, “This is a hard saying; who can understand it?” When Jesus knew in Himself that His disciples complained about this, He said to them, “Does this offend you? ' - John 6:60-61
If you really want to know where my list of 20 came from, read Galatians 5:19-21, in as many versions as possible.
Maybe you can make your own list of 20 and share it with the #BreezyTribe along with this post on Facebook!
I love you till next time!